Six Things You Should Know About Stress

Stress is a term that is over-used and yet so relevant to our daily lives in the 21st century. Most of us are rushed off our feet, trying to juggle work, kids, finances, relationships, as well as staying happy and, perhaps, giving support to elderly parents. With the recent recession and changes in the employment picture, the rules keep changing and we have to keep changing our expectations and fight negative thinking to stay afloat. We are very fortunate to live in the healthiest county in California, yet that doesn't mean we are immune from the toll that chronic stress can take on mind, body, spirit, and relationships. 

Some stress is inevitable, and can even help us to grow and become more resilient and spiritual. In coping with stress, we may expand our world views, relationship networks, or coping strategies. Yet chronic stress that is more uncontrollable, or for which we lack resources and support, is more toxic and can take a toll on our health by creating excess inflammation, high blood pressure, high cholestrol, or belly fat. Exercising to manage stress is essential and we, in Marin, are lucky to have sunshine, beautiful nature trails, and lots of accomplished mind-body experts to help us stay on track. On the other hand, the traffic, financial pressures creating by expensive housing and job shortages, and competitive environment for our kids can create substantial chronic stress. Alcohol and marijuana use and binge drinking are prevalent among young people.

I was excited to be interviewed by expert Nutritionist and Radio Host Corinne Dobbas, MS, RD for her radio show entitled, Eat, Live, Love, Thrive. Corinne is a fellow Marinite who i met when we worked together on a weight-management program at The Bay Club. We helped many people lose many pounds using a practical, mind-body approach to managing stress and triggers for overeating, combined with excellent personal training and an intensive exercise program. 

Listen to the webcast below to learn :

• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Stress and Why Not All Stress is Bad
• How to Identify & Deal With Situations You Can't Control
• How to Set Realistic Expectations & Avoid the Perfectionism Trap
• Why You Need to De-Stress in Between  Solving  Problems
• How to Press the Pause Button on Negative Thoughts
• Why Social Support is So Important

http://webtalkradio.net/Shows/EatLoveLiveThrive/ell042913.mp3

For more information, inspiration and tools for  about managing stress, check out my latest blog post  on Psychology Today & my Facebook page:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201304/become-the-ceo-your-own-brain-in-six-easy-steps

https://www.facebook.com/MindfulSelfExpress

Have a Beautiful, Relaxing Week,

Melanie 

Are Heroes Born or Made?

I was delighted to be quoted in this ABC News article on acts of heroism following the Boston marathon bombing. When people answer evil deeds with compassion and courage, our faith in human nature is restored. We gain mastery of our fear and recommit to the values of compassion and mutual responsibility that are the basis of a civilized society. The article references my Psychology Today blog post on The Six Attributes of Courage.

The article poses the age old question that is especially relevant in light of the events in Boston. Without a second thought, brave men and women rushed in to help the victims of the bombing - taking the risk that another bomb could detonate and hurt them. What makes a hero?  Is it a matter of "brave genes' or "doing what the situation calls for," or perhaps a bit of both?  The article argues that the essence of heroism is a commitment to 'something larger than oneself"  This could be a set of values and principles we hold dear, a national identity, or acts of love and compassion that transcend our self-interest. 

Here's a link to the full article:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/boston-marathon-heroes-combine-risk-generosity/story?id=18969913#.UXBSxL84SsG

And to the blog post I wrote that got their attention: 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201208/the-six-attributes-courage

Here is a quote from the ABC News article:  

Dr. Melanie Greenberg, a psychologist who specializes in stress and overcoming trauma, said cultural and personal ethics play a role in courage.

"One of the key things about heroism is that it's not the absence of fear, but feeling fear and choosing to act anyway," she said. "Something is more important than fear and survival. It's certain values you have that drive your life and make it meaningful."

She was hesitant to describe cowardice: "Sometimes, you freeze like a deer in the headlights. That's the primitive lizard in us, when the social compassion switches off."

Greenberg, who blogged about the qualities of courage for Psychology Today, cited "empathy, kindness and compassion" as the motivators for heroism.

Training for emergencies gives responders courage, according to Greenberg.

Others draw it from "a sense community and compassion," she said. "The culture of being together, that you are brothers and doing it for your buddy -- that inspires heroism. The support group means more than the individual life."

Standing up for what is right, "following your heart, doing what the situation calls for," is another motivator for heroism.

"It brings out the best in people to stand up to terrorism and not let the bad guys win," said Greenberg. "You are part of something larger than yourself."

What Psychotherapy Can Do For You

When you first enter psychotherapy, you may not know what to expect. Perhaps you think that if you tell the therapist about your day to day stresses and worries, the therapist will tell you what to do Most people don't realize that psychologists aren't like doctors and don't "cure" you of unhappiness. It is not possible to take all the suffering out of life. Psychologists are like doctors in that they can provide a diagnosis for your mental health problems and "prescribe" interventions to address them. But they do not "cure" you in the way that a pill or surgery takes away your symptoms. You are the one who actually has to carry out the behavior changes. So, you aren't just a passive "patient" in psychotherapy, but an active participant.

While therapy cannot remove all your distress, it can help you to make positive changes in your life that lead to greater life satisfaction and self-esteem:

Psychotherapy can help you in the following ways:

(1)  To view your problems in more hopeful or realistic ways,

(2)  To understand the roots of distress in childhood learning, biology, relationships, etc.

(3) To experience and express difficult emotions, so as to increase self-awareness

(4)  To speak up for yourself and set healthier boundaries with others

(5) To face and try to solve problems, rather than avoiding them

(6) To make deliberate choices about how to act, rather than reacting passively 

(7) To focus energy on what you can control and come to terms with what you cannot

(8) To live in the present and be less controlled by expectations or fears from the past

(9) To manage fear and anxiety so they don't immobilize you

(10) To invest your time and energy in people and activities that add to your life satisfaction

(11) To tolerate and express emotions - to become more self-aware

(12) To replace criticism and judgment of yourself with compassion

(13) To realistically assess your personal responsibility for events

(14) To tolerate risk and uncertainty that are inherent in life

(15) To learn healthier habits and improve motivation and self-control in a non-punitive way

(16) To be vulnerable and build closeness and trust with others

(17) To understand your internal & external triggers for negative reactions or behaviors

(18) To cope better with or learn to decrease difficult emotions or physical pain

(19) To replace shame and guilt with self-forgiveness and accountability

(20) To learn how to be on your own side - encouraging and guiding yourself

For therapy to succeed, you should make a commitment to attend sessions regularly (typically once a week), do homework exercises (if prescribed by the therapist), be willing to tolerate distress and uncertainty, remember painful memories, and  look deeply inside yourself. You should be willing to speak up if the therapist does not seem to understand your problem, seems inattentive or judgmental, or suggests an approach that doesn't seem to be working for you. If speaking up doesn't work, you may want to find somebody who is a better fit for you. Approaching therapy with honesty, commitment, and courage can maximize your chances of success.

The end result of therapy is that you don't need the therapist anymore because you have the skills, knowledge, and confidence to deal with what life's challenges. Although you may still be distressed at times, you are less likely to feel, overwhelmed and helpless, or  want to run away from your problems. You should better understand and accept both your strengths and weaknesses, respect and collaborate with others, and continue learning and growing so as to live a fuller and more meaningful life.

Indeed, good psychotherapy can be the best investment you will ever make!


To learn more about Dr Greenberg's  psychotherapy services in Marin County, California or via distance technologies, click here:

http://melaniegreenbergphd.com/marin-psychologist/

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Melanie_Greenberg_PhD_Mill+Valley_California_76378

To read her blog on Psychology Today, click here:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express

Follow her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrMelanieG

Like her page on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MindfulSelfExpress

Why Letting Go of the Past is So Difficult

In the movie Groundhog Day, Phil, the Bill Murray character is stuck in an endless loop of déjà vu. He wakes up each morning to find everything he did the day before is erased and it’s Groundhog Day again! 

In what ways is your life stuck in Groundhog Day? 

Most of us struggle to let go of the past and get caught up in internal voices of fear, doubt, and insecurity that prevent us from moving forward in our lives. 

What do your negative inner voices tell you? 

Perhaps that it’s too dangerous to feel your feelings or to speak up assertively? Or that whatever you try to do won’t work anyway, and you’ll end up more disillusioned? Or perhaps that you need to stay in a relationship that isn’t working because you won’t survive alone? Or perhaps you always second-guess yourself when you make a decision and think about what you did wrong, rather than what went right.

Why Do We Have Negative Voices in Our Heads?

These voices almost always have their basis in past experiences in which we were rejected, ignored, bullied, or punished by parents, peers, or partners.  Our brains are wired to help us survive. As such, they cling to and store negative information, letting positive experiences float on by, unless they are particularly unique or intense.  Our lower brain centers, especially the amygdala, sound the alarm bells when we try to change our behaviors, or venture into new territory. If we experienced a painful rejection, our brain sends the signal that freely feeling and loving is too dangerous. Better to remain alone at home, where nobody can hurt us. Or perhaps we begin an exercise program and our brain sends us pain and anxiety signals to warn us that we may get injured.

How Do We Tune Out the Negativity and Move Forward?  

The answer is two-fold:

(1) Accept that some risk and uncertainty are inevitable 

Make a deliberate decision to move towards your goals, despite the presence of fear and anxiety.  This approach is one of the techniques used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The more we avoid, the more anxious we get and the more power we give to the fear. When we face the feared situation, fear naturally begins to go down as our body registers that we are safe.

(2) Learn to live in the present and respond to current circumstances.

 Instead of thinking only about how your current situation is similar to a past incident that turned out negatively, think about how it is different. Do you have different skills or knowledge now? Are you dealing with different types of people? Do you have different resources and more freedom to change or leave a situation that is unpleasant? Rather than predetermining the outcome, commit to staying open and responding to the new situation as it unfolds? Take one or a few small steps in a new direction, then evaluate how things are going.

Why Can't We Just Lose the Weight Already?

Obesity in this country has reached epidemic proportions. More than two/thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese. Type 2 Diabetes, once an adult disease, has become increasingly prevalent in children and teens. Feelings of being overweight cause tremendous psychological stress for people of all ages. The weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar industry with a huge advertising budget. Many people can successfully lose weight with low-calorie or low-carb diets, but the majority regain the weight within a year or two. Here are some factors that make long-term weight loss difficult.

(1) Our Bodies Naturally Resist Weight Loss

Our bodies were designed to help us hang onto weight when calorie intake is suddenly lowered. It assumes that food is scarce and tries to stop us from starving to death by slowing down our metabolism so we burn calories more slowly.

(2)  Genetics Play a Large Role

If you have family genetics for large frames and excess weight, you're going to have a much harder time being thin. Perhaps in days gone by, these families were engaged in physical activities, such as farming, that required strength and endurance.

(3) Our Environments Don't Support Healthy Behavior

Most Americans work more hours  and take fewer days of vacation than people in other countries. People living near large urban centers often spend hours commuting. Plane travel has become a way of life in the corporate world. Many poor people work more than one job, can't afford childcare, and have little leisure time. many poor urban neighborhoods lack parks or sidewalks.

(4) Fast Food is Cheap and Easy

Without advance preparation, it is all too easy after a full day or work and commuting to stop by the MacDonald'a drive through and get a high-fat burger, fries, and sugary soda for a quick and affordable fix.

(5) Emotional Eating

People with a history of trauma may turn to food as a source of emotional comfort when other avenues are lacking. Food is always available because we need to eat, so it's more difficult to avoid triggers.

 Long-term weight loss requires people to make extensive and long-term lifestyle changes. Many people do not understand the complexity and difficulty of losing weight and tend to blame it on lack of willpower. In fact, both biological and environmental factors make weight-loss difficult. Most obese people require long-term Nutritional Counseling and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for months or years in order to keep the weight off. Bariatric surgery can be effective, but often causes suffering due to medical complications. Without behavior change, the weight will be regained. Any long-term weight loss plan needs to address the individual reasons why you, specifically, overeat and provide you with self-awareness and coping strategies, as well as information about diet and exercise.

Recent scientific studies on weight loss suggest some behavioral strategies you can use to increase the efficacy of your dieting plan.  Read my article in Psychology Today to find out what these are.

Seven Proven Tips for Weight Loss Success - Psychology Today

Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. is a Practicing Psychologist in Mill Valley and San Francisco, California, and an expert on mindfulness, emotions, relationships, and leadership. She has published more than 50 articles, abstracts and book chapters, appeated on radio shows and acted as a source for national media, incuding CNN.com, Men's health, Cosmopolitan, BBC 4 in the U.K., and O, the Oprah Magazine (South African edition). Previously a Professor at a training institution for clinical psychologists, she is now a practicing psychologist, speaker, and consultant. Dr Greenberg provides workshops, consulting, and keynotes for organizations, and coaching and psychotherapy for individuals in person and via skype (in California).

Visit my therapist website or my Psychology Today therapist page for info about my therapy services

http://melaniegreenbergphd.com/marin-psychologist/
Psychology Today therapist profile

Contact me via the Psychology Today Experts Page for Media and Speaking Requests

http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/melanie-greenberg-phd

Does Happiness Lie Within?

Throughout the ages, popular wisdom has told us that money cannot buy happiness. As the below quotes illustrate, happiness has historically been seen as is a quality that lies within us, or as something we can cultivate by proper thoughts, good deeds, and commitment to a worthy cause.

It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation, which give you happiness.Thomas Jefferson

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.Helen Keller

Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.Dale Carnegie

Money Is an Unstable Resource

As a psychologist trained in Mindfulness and Compassion approaches, I have experienced and seen how cultivating inner peace and being accepted, heard, and understood can make people happier, regardless of circumstances. Focusing too much on money, status, and external proof of our worthiness can lead to anxiety and obsession, because these aspects of life are not stable. We can be laid off, spend too much, lose our money in the stock market, or our house can suddenly be worth a lot less. This can result in a loss of status if we live in a community that overvalues these things. For many people, this translates into a loss of self-esteem, anger, and questioning of the foundation of their lives. 

Money is a Necessary Evil

At the same time, living with little or no money can result in tremendous suffering in today’s world. Government programs, such as Social Security or Medicare are facing unprecedented crises and may no longer buffer us in old age. Mergers, acquisitions, age discrimination, and outsourcing threaten job stability. We do need to look after our money to provide us with resources should we face unexpected life difficulties.

Making Money Involves Sacrifices

The relationship of money to happiness is complex and complicated. We need to find a balanced attitude to money, rather than a fear-based one. We also need to look carefully at what sacrifices we make to earn money. How much do we sacrifice character, time with family, self-respect, or independence for our jobs?

Money & Therapy

The topic of money comes up with almost all of my psychotherapy clients. The very act of entering psychotherapy involves spending money to take care of ourselves, in the moment, rather than saving it for long-term security. Yet the lessons we learn in therapy can help us structure our lives and invest in ourselves so as to increase our overall psychological (and, sometimes, material) wealth, relationships, and quality of life.  

In my latest Psychology Today post, I examine research from the Gallup organization and top universities to see whether money buys happiness or depletes it. Read what I found out here.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201209/is-money-the-secret-happiness

If you live in Marin and are interested in my therapy services, read my profile and contact me via Psychology Today .  

I am excited to announce that, in addition to my Mill Valley office, I now have an office in San Francisco at 4333 California Street.

Listen to Dr Melanie on Wellness for the Real World

Listen to My Radio Interview with Deb Scott on The Best People We Know on Blog Talk Radio

I was delighted to appear on wonderful radio host Deb Scott's Radio Show called The Best People We Know last week. The show, entitled Revitalize Your Mind & Life, was actually picked as a BlogTalkRadio Staff pick and featured on their front page. I practiced my mindfulness exercises before the show to make sure my fear-based brain didn't take over and make me forget my ideas :)
Deb was a relaxed and eloquent host, allowing me to feel at ease and showcase my best therapist self.  We talked about many different aspects of Mindfulness, including:

• What Mindfulness Actually Is, & What It Isn't  (hint; it's not emptying your mind) 
• Why We Need Mindfulness in Today's Mad, Multitasking World
• Learning  Mindfulness Skills
• Using Mindfulness to Decrease Chronic Pain
• Using Mindfulness to Improve Your Close Relationships

Learning Mindfulness improves your awareness and self-regulation of emotion. You increase in Emotional Intelligence (EQ; EI) and empathy, and this improves your relationships and creates more opportunities in your life.
No wonder companies like Google are providing Mindfulness courses to their employees.




If you would like to learn these skills for free,
Listen to the audio live here, 

Listen to Internet radio with Best People We Know on Blog Talk Radio

If this show helps or informs you, please retweet the link or like it on your Facebook page.
You can listen to the replay from blogtalkradio at:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thebestpeopleweknow/2012/05/30/dr-melanie-greenberg-revitalize-your-life

And download to your mobile device from itunes for free at

http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/best-people-we-know-radio/id401345656?mt=2

About Deb Scott:

Deb is one of the best people that I know, and I feel very fortunate to have connected with her. She and Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino are the organizers of the Motivation Marathon, with a collection of renowned speakers and coaches offering a plethora of valuable  inspirational advice. She has also written an award-winning, inspirational book called The Grass is Blue and The Sky is Green (brilliant title, in my opinion!). 

If you'd like to know more about Deb and her coaching services, book, and radio program, here is the link to her website: 

http://www.greenskyandbluegrass.com/

About Dr Melanie G:
I offer Mindfulness-Based Life Coaching and Psychotherapy for Depression, Anxiety, Grief, Trauma Weight & Eating Issues, Relationship Problems, Bullying, or Chronic Pain, both in person at my therapy office in Mill Valley, California or, via Skype (if assessed to be appropriate) to people in California and New York (where I am licensed).  
Visit my new therapy website http://melaniegreenbergphd.com/marin-psychologist/ to find out more about my background, and clinical services.

Read my blog posts on Psychology Today, featuring the latest neuroscience research about Mindfulness and Emotions:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express

Like me on Facebook for Mindfulness news, quotes, and pictures:

https://www.facebook.com/MindfulSelfExpress

Follow my daily twitter feeds for Mind-Body Wellness & Leadership links:

https://twitter.com/#!/DrMelanieG

Dr Melanie in the News

DR MELANIE IN THE NEWSPAPER!! 

I was delighted to be profiled by the Marin Independent Journal last week as a local psychologist and social media maven.


See the article below:


http://www.marinij.com/ci_19802649?IADID=Search-www.marinij.com-www.marinij.com

New Mindful Eating Tips to Manage Your Weight

Mindful Eating
Mindful eating is a more holistic and compassionate approach to weight & eating. Most diets impose harsh external restrictions and do not take your individual circumstances into account. In contrast, "mindful eating" involves deliberately & compassionately tuning in to your own inner experiences, including thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. With this focus, you begin to be more aware of the sensory aspects of eating, such as the taste & texture of food, when you feel hungry and full, and whether you are actually hungry or just bored, anxious, sad or angry.

Below are some mindful principles that can help you manage your weight and begin to live a healthier life:

1. Begin to notice in what ways your eating is automatic and "mindless."
When hungry, do you automatically reach for the tub of ice cream or fries, without taking time to note what you are really hungry for? Do you eat while multitasking, such as watching TV, texting, driving, or working? Do you gulp the food down quickly without really tasting it? Begin to notice your automatic patterns & habits around eating that stop you from being fully present.

2. Slow down and focus on your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.
Notice the way your breath flows in and out of your body and how this changes when you get anxious. Become aware of the thoughts, feelings, and sensations you are having when you eat. Do you feel helpless or ashamed; angry or rebellious? Sit down when you eat and stop doing other things. Try to eat slowly, noticing the taste and texture of the food. put your fork down between bites. Try to stretch out the experience of eating.

Slow down & savor the tast, sight, smell of food

3. Develop positive rituals around food and eating
Many overweight people associate eating with shame, self-hatred, and helplessness. You may eat quickly or secretively. You may think negative or self-punishing thoughts when you eat. Mindful eating involves reaching for the positive instead.Take time to shop for groceries. Try to buy the freshest, most natural, colorful and tasty foods you can afford. Before you eat, take a moment to notice the sight and smell of the food and breathe in its flavor. Take a moment to expressgratitude for the meal.

4. Choose a way of eating you can live with forever
A typical diet involves restricting food intake for quick weight loss to reach a particular goal in as short a time as possible. The problem is that when the goal is reached, you revert back to your old patterns and quickly put weight back on again. You begin to feel like a failure. With mindful eating, the focus is on developing healthier eating and exercise patterns that you can live with for the rest of your life. Healthy living is something positive that can add pleasure and energy to your life. Everybody has their own way of defining and living this.

For the complete, longer version of this article with more tips and info, visit my Mindful Self-Express blog on Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express.
For more information about my  

Many people find it is easier to lose weight with the help of a coach or therapist who can help teach you skills and keep you going through the difficult times. I offer individualized weight-management and healthy lifestyle counseling in my practice. My focus is on balancing mind, body, spirit, and helping you make healthy choices for your life. My clinical practice is in Mill Valley in Southern Marin county, CA. I see clients with all types of mind-body problems, including, pain, depression, anxiety, grief, & trauma.

Contact me via e-mail at melaniegreenberg@comcast.net to ask about services, including therapy, consulting, speaking.  

For more information about my practice, visit my website   http://www.melanieagreenbergphd.com. 

Like me on Facebook http://www.fb.com/mindfulselfexpress. 

Follow me on Twitter @drmelanieg

Copyright by Melanie A. Greenberg, Ph.D. All rights reserved.